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You have probably realised that some people often get into arguments in all their relationships. Most of the time, these arguments can intensify and lead to a bigger fight. Arguing is normal and it is okay for this to occur sometimes. Arguments usually take place when one party starts making personal attacks on someone, and things end up getting out of hand. Sometimes these fights happen to couples and it ends up damaging their stability.

Although having complaints about someone is okay, criticisms are hurtful and need to be controlled or forbidden entirely. You can minimize arguments by remembering your motivations for staying in that relationship or situation. You can avoid arguments at work by remembering what you love  about your job, or how much you need that salary. The same goes for your personal life, just remember why you want that person in your life before you start saying negative things about them. To avoid such fights in the future, you should learn how to distinguish a complaint from a criticism.

The Big difference between a Complaint and a Criticism

A complaint is a statement of a person’s dissatisfaction. For instance, you might really dislike how your office mate keeps disturbing you in the morning, and so you complain to him about this. Alternatively, a criticism is a complete personal attack that is often done with a bad intent. A good example is when someone starts saying negative things about how a person acts, when in fact they’re just jealous of the person’s achievements. This can also happen if the attacker doesn’t have enough confidence in himself.

Sadly, a lot of people end up losing control and unintentionally criticise others when all they really wanted to do was vent their frustrations. This is why it is important to be careful with what you say when you are angry, because it’s just so easy to give in to your feelings and criticise others. Criticising someone can be very hurtful and damaging to your relationship. An innocent complaint can easily turn to a criticism when you’re not careful in controlling your statement.

Criticising is not Okay

Criticising isn’t okay because you should never insult anybody, even if you feel they deserve it. You have to be very cautious of how you speak to people, whether you have a personal or professional relationship with them. Some people are very sensitive to criticisms, so you could be placing a big dent in your relationship with them by criticising. Criticisms can damage a person’s confidence and self-esteem drastically.

Think about the Person’s Significance in Your Life

Think about how important the person is to you and how it would effect you if the relationship were to end. This holds true, even for business relationships. There is always a way to let your frustrations known without personally attacking a person. Having a civil conversation is really the best way to solve any argument or fight. Regardless of how angry you are, you need to control yourself if you want to resolve things.

Healthy Arguments are encouraged

A good argument can be key to a perfect relationship. If you never argue with the people you’re with, that is when you need to start worrying. Keeping things bottled up inside is not going to solve anything, and sooner or later you will just burst and your fight will even be much worse. Don’t be afraid to say how you truly feel because that is the only way you can fix things. Remember, the other person cannot read your mind so he or she won’t know how you think or feel unless you tell them.

Expressing your feelings when you are angry is okay, but you have to do it in a civilised manner. Complaints are normal and everyone has them, just make sure not to turn them into criticisms that are hurtful. Saving your relationship should be enough motivation that will prevent you from criticising.

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Paul Bailey
 

Paul is a highly experienced Business Coach, Mentor and Personal Development Specialist. He works with people to enhance business and personal performance through a process of supported self-awareness and self- development. Paul is the Co-Author of the book 80 Tips.

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